Stories for VLOG July 2008

I don't plan to make a habit of this. I've made videos in the past with no problem. And I'm likely to do so again. And to save myself time in making the video, I was going to limit my video to just 30 seconds per story. Even with an intro for this, the video would be less than 10 minutes.

But only the people who know me really well and enjoy seeing me actually WANT me to make a video in the first place. And since I needed something to do, I thought I'd just throw the links for the stories up in a text post, make my regular comments about them after the link, and move on. I've procrastinated on making another video (mostly because the editing is a pain) for over a week now. So this'll give me a clean slate to start from. Hopefully my motivation improves in the next week.

image These two awesome guys have invented a lawn mowing robot. They do have other robots that do this on the market, but this one looks like a sheep. It has 6 legs. I mention that only because it stuck in my head so clearly. Cool idea, and definitely a conversation piece.

"Hey Joe, what's that sheep doing in your yard?"

"Well Bob, while your question is nosey and intrusive, I'll still be neighborly and answer. It's eating my grass."
Which is great, because now Joe feels like a retard for asking a stupid question.

Story #2: PETA, the animal huggers, are now running an ad comparing letting your animals procreate without restraint to letting your children have rampant sex with anyone.
First of all, my son or daughter is a human being. That is in a state above all the animal kingdom.
Second, I've never worried about my dog having an STD after she comes home from the doggy daycare center after I go on a business trip. Because dogs don't have that side effect from after the Fall. If you don't know what the Fall is, may I recommend the Bible. Start at the front.
Now I also have noticed the overflow of animals in shelters and pounds as of late. And if I were in the market for a new pet, I'd probably get one already around from there instead of trying to breed my own. Come on folks. I understand shock value, but this is over the top.

Story #3: San Francisco, the last bastion of liberal hope in the country, has gotten an initiative on the next ballot to rename a sewage plant after President Bush.
Disrespectful of the office? Yes.
Disrespectful of the man? Yes.
These tards can't run a city without making the daily Tard Headlines, and they're giving the leader of one of the greatest countries on Earth crap?
Should they shut their cake holes? Yes.

image Story #4: And in a fun story, Ben and Jerry's is creating a limited edition ice cream flavor in honor of Sir Elton John. I'm personally just amazed the new flavor isn't PACKED WITH FUDGE.
The only thing gayer than the concept is the availability. It'll only be around for a week in the town the Ben & Jerry's factory is in. Isn't that just super? (best sounding when spoken with a lisp)

Story #5: This story I include because it reminded me of a CSI episode I watched. Oddly enough starring the King of White Trash: Kevin Federline. Apparently a mob of about 30 people of assorted age attacked and beat up two police officers in Great Britain. All starting from the two officers asking a teenage girl to pick up some litter they'd watched her drop.

Story #6: In the third example in a row of how much it sucks to be in England right now, a teacher had to publicly apologize for mistreating students. Apparently she had a BRILLIANT idea (thanks to all the Guinness no doubt) that locking misbehaving kids in a cupboard would be an acceptable method of punishment.

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Story #7: a salon in the D.C. area has started using a technique that some Asian countries have used for awhile. Apparently some variety of tiny carp really enjoy eating the dead skin off people's feet and hands (mostly feet on this occasion). So the salon has an 'all natural way to exfoliate'.
My question is: where were the animal lovers and hippies from the first couple stories when this place was opening? Isn't keeping fish penned up and starving them until they're hungry enough to eat our dead flesh some form of animal cruelty? Oh wait, it makes us prettier and the fish get a meal. I guess that makes it okay.
Wonder how many fish they've lost when easily-tickled women yank their feet up after the first few nibbles.


Well I had a few more, but I kicked them out because they were too depressing to type about. More people doing annoying things. And as we all know, there's only so much of that a sane person can take in a day before they snap. Note the warning at the top of the link page before watching the video.